The "i" generation

Everything is "i" this and "i" that. No...I'm not  specifically saying the selfish "I," but it will come into play.

I'm talking about "iPhone,""iPad," smart things (smart phones, smart houses, smart tvs).

This has been bothering me for a while, but it kinda came to a peak about 2 months ago.

First, it bothers me because soooo many things are being  connected to "i" technology. L and I don't have "i" anything, so I always pick around and say "Soon, we won't be able to do anything...we will be like the Amish"...lol. "i" technology seems to make ppl so dependent on it, because if you don't have it, you won't know what to do. Just like simple apps of Facebook....it keeps you connected to the internet and wanting to check it all the time. I can't get on Fb with my phone. I have to actually be ON a computer or my Kindle (which still has to be near WiFi), so if I'm away from home, I'm disconnected. Which, if anyone reading this tries to message me and I don't get back right away, it is because I haven't gotten on my computer (because I sometimes go a day or two without being online).

Secondly (and it is in conjunction with the first), we don't see the world around us. This is my peak of being peeved about it. L and I had gone out to a nice  restaurant for a nice dinner since we had all 3 boys being at their Paw-Paw's house.  While there, a couple across from us sat down. The woman got on her phone. Now, the  restaurant wasn't well lit, so you could see the glare of the phone. The man was trying to talk to her. He finally had to clap his hands at her to get her attention. She put the phone to the side.....for a few minutes. Then she started typing away. Now granted....it may have been important...it might have had to do with the kids...but she was ignoring the person she was with. Then about 10 mintues later...they both were typing away on their phones. Yep...I got irked...because here's a time to be with someone and she...then both...were ignoring the other person.

As we left the  restaurant, I counted how many ppl were on their phones. In the 5 booths we passed by, there were 7 ppl on their phones. So out of about 10-12 ppl, over half were on their phones. So, they weren't experiencing each others company...they were online, texting, talking to someone else.

I understand when emergencies happen...I understand when you need to communicate to a babysitter....I understand about something that has to be tended to right then. I just have a hard time thinking every one of them had an  emergency during that time.

Is it too hard for us to disconnect? Is it so difficult for us to put down that phone and actually see the person with us? People don't have the same connections as they used to. People talk to others thru their phones and internet. It's not all bad....but we need to get back in connection with our friends and family....face-to-face or actually taking the time to call and speak with them. I'm guilty of it as well. I have some family and friends I need to call. 

So quit reading this and go call or visit :)

Chore chart.....now vying for chores :)

So.....chores around here are hard to get done. I can do them....I usually do. I just have a problem of letting go...letting some chore be done differently than me...or not done but 80%. However, I also know that my kids need to learn these things in order to be a responsible person later in life. 

However.....I have a tough time getting the kids to do them, to want to do them, to have them get done even a lil bit. So I've been looking at chore charts and reward systems that the bloggers have done. I came up with something that I think our kids can get into and want to do them.

Today was the first day of implementation and they are already vying for getting them done and upset when one chore couldn't be done (I need furniture polish, thus bringing on the tears of not being able to dust...today...when it's a weekly chore....but we will get into that coming up)

First, I came up with rules for the house. Although the boys know them, they were excited when I had them written up so perrtttyy :) Then, I also wanted to make a list of what they should do. That way it was positive as well.

So our rules are: 1) No yelling (the kids like to yell at each other); 2) No name calling (they like to call each other names and it drives me insane); 3) No hitting (they are boys, but they sometimes take it to the extreme); 4) No bothering..... each other (they like to aggravate each other to the max...on purpose); 5) No jumping on the furniture (Trev likes to bounce between the two couches and jump on them); 6) No running inside (they like to chase each other throughout the house). I think I may have to add another rule that somehow I forgot. They like to take each other's stuff without asking (mine as well), so we may be adding an addendum. 

Rules

Then for the way they should act. 1) Listen 1st time (so tired of repeating myself); 2) Help (one another if they need it); 3) Share (don't be jerking items out of each other's hands just because you want it now); 4) Compliment (tell each other they are awesome).

To do list

So then I came up with chores that need to be done around here and how often they needed to be done. We have 6 daily chore and 6 weekly chores. Trev and Mark also have an additional daily and weekly one. So we have for the daily: put shoes on rack, put dishes in the dishwasher, put dishes up that are in the dishwasher, clean the living room (two of them share this chore), pick clothes up (if they are laying around). Weekly chores: vacuum, clean the bathroom, clean the yard (two of them share this chore), dust, wash clothes. Trev and Mark have static chores of homework (daily) and cleaning their room (weekly).

I put these on popsicle sticks, along with point values and decorations :)

The daily chores will be drawn the night before. After school, they'll already know what they need to jump on after school. 

The chore sticks with chores and point values. 

Other side of chore sticks. That way they can't see what the chore is...they just draw :)

Chore stick holder I decorated

Looking in the Chore Stick holder with the sticks in

Next....how are the points going to work? Well....if they do the chore, they get the points. Daily points have 1 point value. Weekly points are bigger. Cleaning bathroom is a lil dirty, so it's worth the most at 5 points. Dusting and vacuuming is 4 points. Washing clothes and cleaning the yard is worth 3 points. Cleaning their room is worth 2 points. 

Sounds easy right? Well, we made it more interesting. If they don't do the chore, it goes to negative points. So for the person who doesn't put the shoes on the rack (1 point), they lose the point...as in it is subtracted from their total. Since two ppl are to clean the yard, they both have to help. If only one person does it, that person gets both people's points...in  addition, the person who didn't help, loses those points. If Trev and Mark are assigned it, and only Mark does it, Mark receives 6 points and Trev loses 3.

So we made a list to show what is expected. If they happen to not have a chore to actually do, as long as they check on it, they will get half of the points (because it's not their fault that it wasn't available). Like, if there are no dishes to put into the dishwasher, as long as they check that there isn't, they will get .5 of a point.

Expectation of the chores

Wondering about the "Get 'caught'" one? I have a jar with a label. It says "Caught ya being good!" with a fish and hook. Then we have slips of paper that L or I will fill out. (I got this idea from How Does She?. I lovvveee this website ) If we catch the kids doing something without being asked or doing something nice, we will fill out the paper and stick it in the jar. At the end of the week, we will tally up the slips from each kid and add it into their total. (2 points per "catch")

"Caught ya" jar

Slips of paper for the jar

I have warned them that they can't do things expecting to get a "caught" paper. They also can't come up to us and say "I did 'such and such'....do I get a paper?" This has been said over and over again.....hope they remember :)

So what does all this add into? Why....rewards of course :) We wanted it to be where they could get something almost every week (if everything is done that they are assigned), yet also ones where they have to save up. We have: gum, candy (50 pts); Drawer pull (I have a drawer with items that they can grab), movie night (picking a movie from Netflix along with popcorn/candy) (70 pts); outing (with mom or dad...they get to pick, we pick were we go....with the kids telling what they might like to do) (100 pts); book (110 pts); Toy less than $20 (although I know I wrote it wrong on the sign...lol) (130 pts). Then we have Wii and computer time. For the Wii....30 mins is 180 pts and an hour is 340 pts. (I know that isn't doubling it....I wanted to reduce it a lil bit to reward them as well). Computer is....30 mins for 190 pts and an hour is 360 pts. 

Reward poster

 So here is what our wall looks like now :) Full of chores and rewards :) 

Our wall of chores

My last one.....

So....in the later part of 2009, L and I came to a deciding point. It was either: try one more time for a girl or go ahead and "get fixed." We discussed it for a while. Then, when we got news that L was going back to his job that he had been at for over 20 yrs. So we decided.....ONE more time.....and THAT was it....lol.

So, we started trying. Then, just like the other 3, the hiccups came.....which if you read the post about Mark , you know that that is my "clue" :) It was pretty much an easy pregnancy. My first (Ross) and my last were my easiest. The ones in between were the sickness ones. I think I only had morning sickness a few times...which I was soooooo happy about :) I could enjoy this pregnancy.

And of course, with having other kids, we got the same questions all the time: 
"You know what causes that, right?" 
"You going to try again if this one's a boy?" 
"Is this your last one?" 
"Are you crazy?" 
"What are you going to do if it's a boy?"

I went to find out what the baby was. As soon as I went there, I KNEW it was a boy. I almost didn't want to go thru with it because I was thinking "What's the point? I already know."  I think the only reason I really did it was because I was doing this with my step-daughter (who was living with us at the time). As she got to see the sonogram and see the baby, I loved watching her amazement. Then we got to find out what the baby was.....and I was right....another boy. 

As I found out my due date, it was VERY close to my step-daughters b-days. Yes, I said b-dayS. They are 2 yrs apart, but have the same b-day. Neither induced or anything. So.... it was going to be interesting. As time got closer, I asked the doc about his weight. I was once again worried about how big my baby was going to be. With my first 2, I had bad problems with how big my babies were. They technically weren't big, but my body had problems. She helped me with Trev not having that problem, so I was hoping that once again, she'd be careful. (If you are curious about this, you can ask...I have no problem talking about it....I just figure it's TMI for some people and they would rather not hear about it...lol)

So she was monitoring the weight of what she thought he was going to be. She decided to induce at 39 weeks. I really wasn't looking forward to being induced, but at the same time, it was keeping him from coming on the girls b-day...lol. So L, my step-daughter that lived with us at the time, and I came in at 6am in the morning to begin the process.  Trev had been induced and so I figured it'd be the same....nope. I really don't think he was ready. I also believe the doc thought he was going to be heavier than he was.

I was blessed with the people in the room with me. L, of course, was there :)  and as I mentioned, we allowed one of my step-daughters to be in the process. Also, I had a great friend be in there. Her husband had been there during the day with us while she was in work, but when the time came to push, he left to be with our other step-daughter in the waiting room. My friend was there and stayed beside my step-daughter while L stayed beside me. It was a longggg day.

The baby was born at 5:25 PM. I guess when it came to pushing, he was willing to let me off easy, because it only took a few pushes....whew...lol.  At that time, we still hadn't figured out a name. We had tossed around 2 names, but STILL weren't sure. Once the baby was weighed (6 lbs, 7 oz), even the doc looked shocked. We were expecting larger. Smallest baby I had had. Then, I looked at L.... well??? what now??? We needed a name! The nurse looked at us "What's his name going to be?" I kept looking at L..... finally L said "Dean Austin" And thus our little DeanDean :)

He has been slow learning things. In terms of "milestones," he is always on the line. Such as walking....the timeline is 18 months....well, he waited til that 18 months. Words are slow for him to come, but he works on them. I am the main one to understand him. Sentences are well made, but he is working on it.  However, this allows me to enjoy every step longer with him. I think with every other boy, I was in too much of a hurry to want them to walk, want them to talk, want them to do something. With him taking his own schedule and doing his own time table, yet still learning, he's allowing me to enjoy it longer, appreciate him longer, and letting me appreciate more of the wonder around him longer....taking it all in thru HIS eyes longer.

He is a total laid back child. Yes, he can get stressed...yes he can get an attitude....but he is sooo lovable, so happy, and so easily amazed by things....which I love. He is my calming in the storm of boys running around....because he will come and snuggle with mommy when the others will run around and fight. He is the one who will grab my camera and take pictures then ask you to take a picture of him. He is always willing to try new things and sit with you to watch you do something. He will show you what he has learned then ask if he can go learn something else.

Here is a song someone at church made up about him in nursery and he giggles everytime

Dean...Dean....the butterbean
Stuck his head in a washing machine
Cammmmmmeeee out allllll
Nice and cleannnnnnn 

"That felt good!"

"That felt good, Mommy!" 

No...not a massage...not a full tummy...not a hot shower......

This is what my 11 year old said to me after doing a good deed. 

We ran some errands today. First, we went to place called Russell's Unique Deals. A place that is so cool just to look even if you don't get anything :) He buys storage units, then sells the items.  Then we went to Wally World. It's DeanDean's b-day Monday and I have been wanting to get him a Scout by LeapFrog. Trev had one when he was younger and LOVED his, so I wanted to get DeanDean one, too. 

As we pull in to the little road towards Walmart, next to the gas station, there was a man there with a sign "Homeless Hungry God Bless." As I pulled into the parking lot of Walmart, I felt the need to get some type of food for him. 

As ANY parent knows....going into Walmart with kids, your mind doesn't remember everything if you don't have a list. I was lucky to remember the envelopes I needed....just happened to be next to the stationary as we got near the video games the boys wanted to look at....lol.

So as we leave Walmart and start to pull out of the road, I am in the lane to go left...which means I am not near that man I felt the need to get food for. I also realize I didn't get anything for him IN Walmart. I turn left, then make a U-turn to come back to him. I go to the gas station that is there and run in. Unfortunately, there aren't sandwiches in this station, but I get him a drink, chips, and a lil snack. 

As I get back in the car, I ask Mark if he sees the man with the sign. He says "Yes."  I hand him the bag and ask him "Will you take this stuff to him?" Mark replied with a "Yep!" So he bounded off and handed the bag of goodies off to the man. The man looked at Mark, looked at me, and thanked us both. He was very happy. He said "Thank you! I even have a drink too?!? Thank you!" And as we pulled away and turned left at the light again, he waved big with a smile....that wasn't there either of the times I saw him before.

As we left, Mark had a huge smile, also.  He said "That felt good, Mommy!" Trev said "What did?" And Mark replied "It always feels good to help someone." This was a proud mommy :)

I usually don't do this. I have given a drink or a bag of chips here or there. When I feel the call to do it. I don't give money....that's just the suspicious person in me. I usually don't tell people about it.....cuz I don't do it to brag! I do it to help that person and let them know God loves them. However, I have never done it when my kids were in the car or even let them do it. Just because 1) I haven't heard the call to do it; 2) I am a suspicious person and you don't know who those people are and I'm not going to put my kids in harm's way.

However, I felt the call to today and I think my kids needed to see it today. Then to hear Mark say "That felt good" made this mommy feel good.

It also gave me a chance to talk to them about Matthew 25:35-46 (The Message) :

 ^34-36 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why:

I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.’

^37-40 “Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’

^41-43 “Then he will turn to the ‘goats,’ the ones on his left, and say, ‘Get out, worthless goats! You’re good for nothing but the fires of hell. And why? Because—

I was hungry and you gave me no meal,
I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,
I was homeless and you gave me no bed,
I was shivering and you gave me no clothes,
Sick and in prison, and you never visited.’

⁴⁴ “Then those ‘goats’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn’t help?’

⁴⁵ “He will answer them, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.’

⁴⁶ “Then those ‘goats’ will be herded to their eternal doom, but the ‘sheep’ to their eternal reward.”

Frustration abounds

So as you saw in my last post, History on Mark, that I have been a stay-at-home mom for pretty much 12 years. When I was diagnosed with endometriosis, I did have a job. They knew that I had to be out for 4 weeks per my doc, due to my surgery. They said it was ok...to call and let them know when I could return. 

So when my 4 weeks were over, I called and lo and behold....they had replaced me. They didn't hold my space for me. So I was left without a job. Granted, I could've fought it, because they illegally did this (I know...I talked to a lawyer..lol), but there was no way to tell if they might try to retaliate by giving me less hours, not promoting me (I was due to have a raise), or trying anything like that to get me to quit on my own. 

So I went ahead and accepted it. I looked for another job, but then, of course, came the time to find out that I was pregnant with Mark, so we decided it was better, financially and for our family, for me to stay home. 

So I have.....except for going to school. Now, sometimes, at RCCC, I went TO classes, but a LOT of my classes were online. It did take me a while. You know, me being pregnant, then scheduling of classes that I actually needed to finish my AA. It took me a total of 6 years to get a 2 year degree. BUT...I did it!

Then came Catawba. When I first went there, I looked like a deer in the headlights~~ I TOTALLY admit that one. I even talked to my admitting advisor when I was leaving the last day and we joked about it. It was mainly because for the few years before that, all I had were online classes, so this was going to be my major jump into full-time "studenthood" at a "big time college." I had noooo idea what I was going to do, how I was going to manage, or how I was going to fit in. I was scared I would fail. It didn't help that I was trying to do all my signing up with 3 boys in tow...it took 4 hours with 3 boys (with one being 6 months old...lol).

My advisor wanted me to do 15 hours a semester so I could graduate in 4 semesters. This would mean 5 classes a semester. Ummmmm...5 classes....4 boys.....1 husband....1 household ....and me.....no thank you :) So I went with 4 classes and take the extra semester to be done. 

That first semester was a whirlwind and I honestly don't remember too much about it...lol. However, after that one, I had a BLAST! It might have taken me an extra semester, but I wouldn't change that for the world. I finished December 2013 :) I honestly miss it....well, not the early classes :) 

Now to today~~~ I'm stuck in the middle. There are jobs out there that I wanna apply for, but I don't have the experience for. Then there are ones that I want to apply for, but I don't have the Master's degree. Then there are ones that I want to apply for, but since I still owe the college some money, I can't get my official transcript, which some jobs want to see. 

Soooo frustrating. I spend hours on the computer looking up jobs. I get my hopes up because I see something that I would LOVE to do....then see that I don't have one of those three things. I know that something will come along, but right NOW......it's frustrating.

I want to be able to help our family financially. I see how much of a toll it's taking on L to carry such a burden on our family. Also, I have such an urge to get out there and help others. I know there are people who need help, people that don't know where to turn, and just need someone to care. I want to do that.....I just can't get out there :(

I do love being here for my kids.....PLEASE don't think I don't wanna be here. However, I wanna be out there too. I was blessed with a job for 6 months in Aug 2011- Feb 2012. I LOVED it. It wasn't something where I was making a BIG difference in people's lives, but I absolutely LOVED the job. Unfortunately, due to ex family members, lying, and allegations, I was forced to let it go. I miss being around adults...lol. I LOVE my kids....but I need "adult time" too :) And if I can help people, like I want to, while working, that's an added bonus!

Some history on Mark

So....for over 11 years I have been a stay-at-home mom. In the last part of 2001, I found out I had endometriosis. In February 2002, I ended up having to have an endoscopic surgery in order to get rid of cysts and  make things less painful. I was then to be put on a shot for 6 months that would technically put me in a premature menopause in order to let everything clear up and give me, roughly, a 5 yr reprieve from the pain and cysts.

Then, I go for my first 3 shots...one a month. One in April, May and June. Now remember....this shot was to put me in a forced menopause....which means no "Lady Visitor" each month. So comes June. I get a HUGE case of hiccups.....I figure out I'm pregnant. Now, I know this is a weird "clue," but that was always my clue with all the boys...lol. So I call the doctor's office. They say there is NO WAY I'm pregnant. I convince them to give me a test. I go into the office and they do a blood test because they are ABSOLUTELY convinced I am NOT pregnant. They even tell me on the way out "We'll call you if it's positive...but it probably won't be" Well....yep...you guessed it...they called. They were dumb struck. You could even hear it in their voice. "Ummmm. Your test came back.....and you were right.....you're pregnant." Well....I DID tell them I had hiccups...lol :)

They did a sonogram to REALLY confirm my pregnancy

So of course we had to stop the shots. They had never heard of anyone getting pregnant while being on the shot. It was unheard of. So the doctors and nurses were just quiet. Through my pregnancy, all was well. I measured like I was supposed to...until week 28...then I started measuring 2 weeks behind. So they scheduled an extra ultrasound to see what that all was well. As the tech was looking, she was all talkative. Then, all of a sudden, she got quiet. Then she said she had to go get a doctor and rushed out. I look to L and start to panic.The doctor came in. At this time, I am freaking out. I had tears going down the side of my face. She won't tell me anything but is continuing to do the ultrasound.

Then the words started coming out...yet it took a bit to grasp them. My son had a multicystic dysplastic kidney (MCDK). This meant that one kidney was covered in cysts and had no function. As far as they could see, the other kidney was fine. They would keep monitoring it via sonograms, then he'd have to have a sonogram after he was born to find out the extent of things. So we were in shock. Here we were, going along, everything fine...then BOOM!

Now, of course, I did what any expecting mother SHOULDN'T do....I went and got on the internet and read about it. Thankfully, this problem wasn't too dire. Children survive this, the working kidney takes over for the other, and all is fine. The one you had to worry about was POLYcystic. This would mean that BOTH kidneys were surrounded by cysts and it is fatal. So I just had to keep the faith that the tech and doctor were correct and it was just the one kidney.

Come January 25th, 2003. My son came into the world ON his due date. Being on time has stuck with him :) He hates to be late to ANYTHING (and I hear about it if we are 1 minute late to Awanas..lol).

A day after being born, we had him looked at by a urologist. He did an ultrasound and saw that it was only his left kidney. His right kidney was wonderful. The next step was to have him go into the office and have a procedure to find out how much, if any, the left kidney was working.  Then it'd be figured out if he'd have to have a surgery to have the kidney removed or if we just kept an eye on it to make sure it "went away." With MCDK, the good outcome is that the kidney, in my words, implodes on itself, disintegrates, then "goes away."

So we go into the office. They give him medicine to make him sleepy and then strap him to a board. This is because they are going to run dye through his kidney and see what happens. They want him still so that it will all go well. He's only about 2 months old. This was tough to watch. I stayed in the room with him, but couldn't really do anything because I didn't want to rouse him or make him move. If he started to, I could calm him, but that was it.  I was able to watch the dye up on the screen. Now that was neat :)

The results: His kidney worked .01%. That wasn't good. That means that .01% of urine was traveling in through that kidney. That also means that it could cause infection. It would have been better if the kidney worked 0%. So, we had to schedule close sonograms so that he could keep a close eye and make sure that kidney was getting smaller and nothing else was happening.

I think my happiest day was the day we got the sonogram that showed it being as small as the head of a pin. It was going and the good kidney was HUGE..lol. It was big enough for both kidneys and doing the job of them both.

  

Left Kidney

Right Kidney

I have always wondered if since I became pregnant on the shot...that no one had become pregnant on...if that was the reason for the MCDK....but we'll never know. I also have to go back to the doctor and talk to him. When we were first going there, he had said no sports for him growing up...due to the one kidney. Then once the right kidney started growing great and taking over, he said sports would be fine. Now, all the medical articles I read, it says no contact sports. Welp....Mark is wanting to try out for football in middle school. I wonder if I am going to have to crush his dreams. :(

So my mom had always said I was the oddball in the family (the only girl,  the only one to have to have glasses, the only one to have to have braces, the only one that had a tooth in my gum pointed up towards my nose (I'll tell you about that at some other time :) ) and now I have a son who has one kidney. But it's ok...he's ok...and that kidney will be ok :) He is an oddball sometimes...but he's like his momma, he's mine, and I LOVE him :)

A Note from me

So as 2013 comes to an end...I wonder...what have I learned about myself?

I'm one tough cookie! Going to school full-time while taking care of three boys schedule, working in a fourth boy's schedule so I can have time with him. Then figuring out how to keep the house clean, clothes clean, dishes clean.....which most of time they weren't all done  at the same time..lol :)

I have a lot of work in the mommy department. I KNOW I am never gonna get to that "Susie Homemaker" point....but  I still have things I need to do. Like nights before bedtime, spend an extra few minutes with each child...just for them. I have wanted to do this, but I have been so stuck on getting them in bed, so that I can hurry to my textbooks. I want to teach them more about humility and doing more for others. They are pretty good now, but I want them to be better. I want them to know the world is more than them.

I don't have many friends. Not complaining. Not a pity party. Just a fact. I am a Stay-AT-home mom. I literally didn't have the time to get out to get with friends. People have their own schedules, work, families, so it's hard to coordinate everything. That is one thing that school helped with...I met people, got to meet new people, got to laugh with new friends.

I have learned more empathy and sympathy for people. A lot of it has come back to my internship with Rowan Helping Ministries in 2011 and 2012, but I think it keeps growing the more and more I look around me. So much pain and problems going on around us and there's sooo much to be done, yet not enough being done...and I WANT to. What are the solutions? I don't know...but my goal is to figure things out for some.

I still have sooo many questions. Like, why do people treat people the way they do? Just as I said in my blog in Feb, Changing views, I just can't see why people can't love everyone. Why can't we just show God's unconditional  love? That means without conditions...without prerequisites...without people having to be in our certain circles...or look a way we want them to...have the money we think they should...act the way we think they should. Why can't we smile at a person for no reason? Why is it that so many people have scowls on their faces? Is it because they have never been smiled at before? 

Why do we jump at the chance to criticize people? We are in a society that hurries to jump on people's throats, that we don't stop to TALK to people like we used to. When we had problems with people, we used to go to the person and say "Hey...what's up? This is my problem with what you (said/did). Can we talk about it?" Maybe not in those exact words, but we at least tried to speak to the person. We didn't freeze them out. I was taught that if you had a problem with a person, you GO to that person. Although I know that's not necessarily easy nowadays, you can message/e-mail/Skype/etc. them.

I guess Facebook has become our shouting arena. Say something, someone else YELLS back, an argument ensues, and relationships fall apart. Or the other extreme....Say something, another doesn't like it, the other person says something, and "unfriends" them. Again, leading to the relationship falling apart. One~ Instead of trying to start something, just calmly state your position. Two~ realize you both are coming from different points. You don't have to jump all over them. Just be willing to talk. Three~ talk it out....you don't have to tear the person down in order to get your point across! That only makes the person defensive. You can be constructive without being DEstructive. 

Maybe sometimes I care too much. I want to be able to save everyone's feelings/relationships that I hate to see them being tore apart by not taking each other as a person instead of a computer screen. In today's society, that is what most people see instead of the person behind it. Also when we are in public, we forget to see the people around them. Look up, see that person around you. That woman with a crying child might have just gotten news that she has cancer and is zoned out. Don't be so quick to judge that she's not disciplining him. The man that cut in front of you in the store....might be rushing to the hospital to get to his daughter. The out-of-control child running in the aisle...might have a disorder that he can't control his impulse control. 

So look up...smile at the woman with the scowl. Let the man cut in line. Write a message to that person who you were angry with. Don't ignore that person beside you just because they are wearing ratty clothes. We are all people. We are are worthy of love. God's love. God's unconditional love. 

So....I started this post as one on me....but it took a turn...maybe someone reading it needed to read this, needed to hear something. I hope so :) Love to all and hope everyone had a WONDERFUL and BLESSED Christmas. Have a WONDERFUL and SAFE New Year.

Learning

So, these last three weeks are the starting of school for this house. Lots of learning to be done :)

Trev started his first day of Kindergarten. Our lil Trev-Trev is growing up :) I thought L would have been the one to have the hardest time with this Trev going to school because he spent so much more time with him when he was a baby than the other children. It turned out I boo-hooed the whole way down the driveway and all the way back to the house.

Mark started his first day of 5th grade. It's his last year in elementary school....wow! L just realized he was in 5th grade week before school started....lol.

Ross started his first day of 8th grade. So he has started his last year of middle school. So, my "Rosserdo" will be a high schooler next year! Not rushing it....but it's a shocker!

Then, the week before the kids started, I started my last semester of college. I have worked sooooo hard to get to this stage, I cannot even describe the feelings I have to finally be here! It took so long to get my AA, then to be here....so close to my BA.....so happy! Then to decide whether or not to go on for my Master's degree. My advisor has told me she thought I should and that I would do wonderfully at it. That feels wonderful to me.

I'm not that into my Judicial Process class. I was excited about it before school started, but now.....not so much. The teacher is new to the college, so he doesn't really know how "we roll." He hasn't tried to learn our names or to really teach us. The first part of the class (15-20 min) is him doing a few PowerPoint slides. Then the rest of the class (hour and half or more) is discussing our discussion questions we submitted the night before. But I feel like he really doesn't say anything during our discussions, so I feel like I'm left to my own. I am a Sociology major....not a law major. I feel left out in the class. 

Love my NC History class. It is soooo cool learning new things about my own state! 

And of course....I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my Social Movement class. I'm in my grove in there :) 

So this house is full of learning :) 

Tidbit I learned *The word "bootlegger" came from the Prohibition Era. The people who would come in on the carriages would have the alcohol in bottles or flasks in their boot leg, then people would ask them for a drink from their boot leg....thus, they were bootleggers. 

Ross

So I have enjoyed writing the last few days, telling you of my boys. What inspired me was today.  I wanted it to lead up to this.

Today, 13 years ago, at 9:46am, a 7lb, 7 and 1/2oz; 20 and 1/2 inches long little boy changed my life. Today, 13 years ago, I became a mommy for the first time. Today, 13 years ago, I held my own child in my arms after a 10 hour labor. Today, 13 years ago, Anthony Ross, became his mommy's boy.

He has been a challenge. He always keeps us on our toes. We found out early on that he has certain behavioral and neurological problems. However, I'm not going to go into that in this post. Yes, it is a part of him. Yes, it is something we have to deal with. However, it does not define him. He is much more than these things.

He LOVES to read. I think this is how Mark learned to love it (he wanted to be like his big brother :) ) Ross loves to read history. He's read that same Ben Franklin book that Mark has...not as many times, but still...lol. He also likes fiction. He really got into the Percy Jackson series. He could even tell you alllll the people throughout the books. I was lucky to remember the main characters (I read the books along with him)

Talking about being able to tell you about allll the characters...his mind is like a trap. Once something is in there, he can spout it back out at ya. He can read something and then tell you about it, even a week/month/and sometime a year later. 

His love of history goes beyond books. He loves going to historical sites. We have gone to Old Salem and Latta Plantation. He had a ball. He loves learning about the places. He has gone to other places thru his school as well (I'm not even going to try and remember them...lol)

He loves his electronic games. I think if he could, he wouldn't ever let them go...lol. Anytime we talk on the phone, he tries to tell me about his games. I don't understand them, but he tells me about them to the "T."  He likes other games, but he bores very easily...lol, so it has to have a lot of action...or at least he wants to be certain he can win...lol.

He loves those hard to pronounce games and shows. You know the ones: Pokemon, Digimon, Bakugan, and ones along those lines. I don't get them. I have tried to play along with them....yet...nope...don't get 'em...lol.

He is very serious about things. He doesn't like magic or magic tricks. "How does a kid not like magic?" you may ask. Well, he'll tell you this: It's just an illusion and it's not real, so he doesn't like it. Ross deals in tangibles and concrete things. It's hard for him to think in abstracts. He likes to know how things are going to be and know what's going to happen and when that doesn't happen, he doesn't like it. 

He is my serious boy. He is my protector boy (he takes care of everyone). He is my history buff. He is my gamer. 

He is the boy that changed this girl's life forever, 13 years ago, at 9:46 am.

This is my Rosserdo! 

Mark

Mark is my second boy. 

He is the one that has been the healthiest. The first time he was sick, he was 3. It was so funny, yet I felt so bad for him. Since he didn't know what was going on, he was so confused. He just had a little bug, so it wasn't too bad, but poor little guy...lol. He laid on the couch with a little fever, with a washcloth on his head, looked up at me and said "What's wrong with me, Mommy?"  He's only had to go to the doc once for a sickness.

The other times of being to the doctor is for his ADHD. I struggled with having him put on medicine because I thought it was my parenting since I already had one child on medicine. So I fought it for a long time. I finally had a person tell me "If your child was sick, you'd want them to get well. This is the same thing." That's the thing that finally got me. So we got him diagnosed and on medicine. It hasn't been an easy road. He has such a FAST metabolism that medicine blows thru his body. 

However, when we have his medicine correct, he can focus so wonderfully in school, this boy is a whiz. He loves to learn, so that's not a  problem. It's making sure he can focus. He's an A/B student and can stay there as long as his medicine is helping. When his medicine isn't working correctly, he slips into the C/D range. As I tell him, if that was the best he could do....I'd have no problem with that.....but I know he can do better. We have proof from his report cards :)

He is the messiest kid. His room can't stay clean for even a day...lol. We have tried so many tricks, that we have ran out....lol. I have just tried to pick my battles. During the school year: would I rather have his schoolwork done or his room clean? Would I rather have him pout about having to do his room and take forever on his schoolwork and do it incorrectly or just have him work on his homework and figure out the room later? So it's just a battle with him and with myself with what should be done. The odd thing? He'll help me around the house...just not his room...lol. So....I just have to deal sometimes. I'll go in sometimes and work with him to clean it, but even that is a struggle, too.

He LOVES to read. Let me say that again.....LOVES to read. We can't go anywhere without a book or magazine with him. We live about 5 minutes from the grocery store and the pharmacy. Even to take a ride there.....yep....along goes a  book or magazine. He is kinda picky about what he likes, but once he gets into a book, he's absorbed. He likes to read about Ben Franklin. I know this because we have one book about him that he has read eight times (that I know of....lol) He likes to read about NASCAR. We have some books on the history of NASCAR and their drivers and some NASCAR magazines and he reads them.

He loves games. Be them board, card, or electronic ones. He loves Uno, Monopoly, and almost ANY electronic game...lol. He will play any game with you. It may take him a little bit to learn it, but he will play it. Skip-Bo he likes....it just takes him a little bit to remember it every time he starts it again. You need a partner for a card game? Call Mark :) (just no gambling with my kid...lol)

Although, honestly, he's not good at sports.....he tries soooooo hard at them. We work with him, we encourage him, we get him to try and try again....but he's just not going to be a sport kid. 

Now drawing.....that kid can draw!!!! It has amazed me what he can draw. I love to put his drawings on the fridge. I have had a couple of times when my fridge has been overrun with his drawings...lol. He's done drawings of a dragon, a bear, an Indian,  Scooby Doo, and many others. I'm planning an area of our wall where I'm going to put clipboards where we can put their art on the wall and switch them around as we want. The boys can do it as they want to, too.

He's my shy, yet competitive boy. He's my messy,  cleaning helper. He's my aspiring artist. He's my aspiring chef. He's my "can't put a book down" boy. He's my teacher boy...always wanting to teach the younger boys things he has learned. He's my protective boy....always making sure everyone is ok. 

This is my Markers. 

Trevor

Trevor has been my over zealous child. He has learned things at a zooming speed. Whether or not some things stick...well, that's another story...lol.

Trevor came as a surprise. Mark was 5 when Trevor was born. He was graduating from preschool and I was worried that I was going to miss his graduation ceremony because of it. Luckily, I didn't :)

Every milestone, he tried to get to very early. I think it had more to do with trying to keep up with his brothers. He didn't want to be left behind. At 7 months old, he was already walking. Not stably, of course, but he was determined to follow his big brothers. He didn't want to be in one room while his brothers had taken off to another...lol.

Although he does have problems with certain words, he has a huge vocabulary. A lot of times, instead of saying "I" he'll say "My" so it's cute if he has to say "I do" (in the song by Taylor Swift "Begin Again") it becomes "My do"

He is a sponge for learning.....when he wants to. He loves to learn about dinosaurs. Anytime he sees a book with dinos in it, he is immediately drawn to it. Another thing he likes to read/look at pictures about is nature. At the doctor's office, there is an A-Z book of ocean animals. I think he looks thru it everytime. And he has figured out when pages are tore out...lol.

When he wants to learn something, he will try and try and try. One example is with winking. He can wink fine with his right eye, but he has trouble with his left eye. But he doesn't give up! Sometimes he'll try and "train" it by using his finger to close it, then try and keep it close. Other times he'll just focus real hard to wink with just his left eye. It's so cute to see him try sooo hard for something he wants sooo hard to do. I pray and hope that this goes for everything he does in life.

Trevor LOVES to sing. We just got finished with VBS at church. When he came home in the evenings, he'd sing the songs over and over and over and over (which is cute, but Mark wasn't liking it...lol..Mark gets songs stuck in his head real quick, so he wasn't wanting that...lol) He will sing songs until he knows it  backwards and forwards. One song that is popular around here is "Wagon Wheel" by Darius Rucker. He will sing it over and over and Dean with sing with him :)

My son knew his racecar drivers before he knew his ABC's. I have a video of him pointing to different #'s and bobbleheads and telling who they are. Jeff Gordon is his favorite driver. Why? I have NO idea...lol. No one else in the house is a Gordon fan...lol. My only guess is because my dad had a Gordon shirt at one time and gave it to Mark and Trevor saw it and it stuck in his head. It's a stretch, I know....but I can't figure anything else out...lol. He won't sit and watch a race, but he'll walk thru and ask "Where's Jeff Gordon at?" Drives L crazy...lol.

Trevor is also a clothes addict. He loves to change clothes over and over and over and over and....well you get the gist...lol. I think he gets this from Mark cuz Mark will do the same as well. He loves to pick out his own outfits, although his matching skills are, of course, sometimes in  question...lol. I even told his teachers at preschool one time that I wasn't dressing him, that he was dressing himself, and that if he didn't match, if was his choice...lol. Didn't want them thinking I didn't know how to match clothes...lol.

He is my running, playing, loving child. He's my intense trier, my playful goof. He's the one who will try his hardest to help you. He is DeanDean's "Twewa" and he's my surprise. 

He is my TrevTrev. 

Dean

Dean has been slow at learning things. Not that that is a bad thing, it's just something that we have had to keep a watch on to make sure that he doesn't fall behind or anything. He squeaks right up to those "deadlines" for milestones. We have also had to learn things ourselves because we have to adapt things to learn from him. He's a smart bugger....he's just laid back and takes his time :)

First, he was slow to walk. For those that don't know, by twelve months, most children are walking. Not that some don't walk later. At eighteen months, if they can't walk, that is when you are supposed to be concerned.....well, Dean inched right up to that deadline. For a bit, he wore a brace to straighten him out....he didn't care for it and he didn't wear it long. It was to bring his stomach in and his shoulders where they were to be. It worked for what it was to do and he grew out of a little bit of what he was doing. He still has a bit of an ankle and foot problem, but we will keep watching that.

Second, he has been slow with talking. He was only saying mama and dada at twelve months, but other than that...nope. He'd grunt, but that was the extent of it. At two years old right now....you HAVE to know what he's talking about to know what he's saying :) I sometimes play around with L because L still has a problem knowing what Dean is saying. If Dean comes to me wanting something, and I know what he wants, I'll have him go to L and ask him for it. I watch as L looks at me with a deer in the headlight look :) It's funny as he tries soooo hard to figure out what Dean is saying.

Here's a bit of Dean's Dictionary: (What I can think of right this moment)
Ga: Thank you
Boo: Move
Bote: Remote
Mak: Mark
Nah: Ross
Nah: Love you (This is the reason for context :) )
Nan-know: Banana
Fred: Bread
GrodGog: Hot Dog
Zeescel: Cereal 

While I am telling you this, I am also telling you that he is a smart bugger. The agency that has helped us to make sure he is staying on track, had a PT come out. She had a bag of different activities for him to do and Dean was doing activities that she hadn't had to bring out with other kids in a long time. He was blowing thru the activities for his age, that he was actually getting to ones above what she needed to test. Maybe not figuring them out (one activity, he did NOT want to put the right shapes together), but it was the fact of him trying :)

Today, I actually heard him say "I love you" for the first time. Not the "Na". Of course now he won't repeat it and it took me about 30 second to realize he actually said the whole phrase, but he actually said it! When I tried to get him to repeat it, he said "Na"...then he said "I na"...so it'll come again....just hate it took so long for it to register :/  

Dean is my hugging, kissing, chilling, sitting in my lap, riding my back like a monkey, playing with my hair, flipping over the couch to be beside me, bringing me my drink, bringing me my pillow, bringing me my blanket, lovable child. 


This is my DeanDean :) 

New pool, new dangerous recipe, and DIY wipe recipe

So a few years ago, a couple of WONDERFUL friends got Trev a pool for his b-day. It was surprising to L and me about how well they took care of it. It wasn't popped, they tried to keep all the "wonderful" grass clippings out of it, and kept the water in the right area. They kept it thru a whole summer. Then my parents came with their dog. And the dog liked it....and jumped thru it....and popped it. Thus went the pool.

Their old pool from some great friends :)

So this year, I wanted to get them a new one. Then we have gotten the lovely floods a'comin'. I saw no need cuz they wouldn't be able to enjoy it. We had a month (maybe a month and 1/2... I started to lose track) straight of rain everyday. However, at Family Dollar, I saw a pool for $10 and couldn't resist :) I still had to wait for the rains to calm down. So I hid the pool so the kids couldn't see it. You know how kids are...they see something, they want to do it, they beg, they beg, they ask, they ask....so I HAD to hide it.

Finally today I was confident enough that it wasn't going to rain (I kept getting worried of the "isolated thunderstorms" that never came), so as they were outside, I inflated it inside. Then I went outside and attached the hose. Now, parents do anything for their kids. I almost knocked off my knuckle for them. Our house isn't done the best, so the way our water "thingy" is on the house, it's recessed a bit too much, so my knuckle kept hitting the siding. 

Then I brought their pool outside. It's funny cuz the first thing I was thinking of as I was walking out the door was of determined little doggie Gus. Lol. Although I was going out the door, I was thinking of him :) As I go out the door and the boys see it, they ask me....yes, it's true...."Is that a pool?" I wish I was witty enough to say something that could be a type of "Here's your sign" :)

Mark...afraid to step in due to the water being cold

Easing in

I have also found my new favorite dessert recipe. It's dangerous though....cuz it's tooooo good. They are called Lazy Cookie Bars and are soooo delish. L kept laughing at me because I was Ohhhh and Ahhhh over them :)

DANGEROUS dessert :)

And last but not least, I am trying a DIY wipe recipe. There are so many out there, you just have to pick one and try it, then tweak it next time. First off, we use the HUGE rolls of paper towels. Cut the roll in half.

Pay no attention to the "wonderful" sawing

So finding a container for them was fun around here. Then I remembered we had just gotten some Maxwell containers from my dad. I know this won't work for every time (it will rust), but I'm out of wipes and have no car to go anywhere....have to make do :)

  

Paper towel roll fit nicely :)

The recipe I decided to use called for 2 cups of boiling water cooled down. This turned out to be too much. Then it is added to 2 tbsp baby shampoo and 1 tbsp baby oil. Waiting on the water to cool when I wanted to hurry up and do it is what got me :)

The baby oil and shampoo (left) and water cooling (right)

After putting them together, you pour it over the paper towels and let it sit for 10 minutes. Some recipes said to flip it and let it soak for another 10 minutes, so I did this also. Then you pull the cardboard out of the middle. Then you pull the paper towel from the middle. It reminds me of the wipes like Lysol or something that pulls from the middle.

I also squeezed some of the water out because like I said, the 2 cups was just too much, so go along with the 1 cup like most recipes say. I went with the 2 cups because of how big of a roll I was using, but it still ended up wayyyyy to wet.

I've never had boys want their faces wiped, but since I made these wipes myself, they wanted me to wipe their faces after supper :) We'll see how well they work for the bottom :)