This is a very personal post. I am showing many of you things you don't know. It's kind of intimidating to "bear it all" and let you in to an area of my life that I don't show much. I have swirled this post around and around. It really isn't the easiest to write about.....but I think it is also important to show "behind the curtain" of this disorder.
First....what is Asperger's Syndrome? Asperger's syndrome (also Asperger disorder) used to have it's own section in the DSM...but as of 2013, it is now combined with the Austism spectrum. It is on the high functioning scale. Although ….there are debates about this change. Someone with Asperger's usually "have normal to above average intelligence but typically have difficulties with social interactions and often have pervasive, absorbing interests in special topics."
What are some signs of Asperger's?
- Not understanding social queues
- Not understanding nonverbal queues
- Lack of interest in socializing/making friends
- Cannot infer the thoughts, feelings, or emotions of others
- Over-adherence to routines
- Failure to respect interpersonal boundries
- Obsessive interests in certain topics ( more intense when compared to other children's interest) and can remain the focus of the child's interest and conversation in spite of efforts to redirect the child's attention.
- Language may be interpreted literally (has major problems with the abstract)
- Has problems with irony and sarcasm
- In school, tend to excel in lower grades, but have more difficulties in higher grades
(www.medicinenet.com/asperger_syndrome/article.htm#what_is_aspergers_syndrome)
Now...if you see someone crying. Your thought is to comfort them. A person with Asperger's just sees someone crying....that it has nothing to do with them, so they don't involve themselves. You hear about a family party. Your thought is "Great!" A person with Asperger's say "I'll stay in my room." You talk with someone about sports for 15 mins. A person with Asperger's can talk about it for 3 hours....no matter how much you try and talk about something else. You make a joke....a person will either laugh or roll their eyes because it's corny. A person with Asperger's will hear it and if it isn't a concrete idea.....they can't comprehend it. You hear about a change in your schedule. You say "Ok...let's roll with it." A person with Asperger's will have a complete meltdown. Not just a small thing....an over the top meltdown.
Now....why did I tell you what Asperger's is? Why did I give symptoms? Why did I give examples? Because this is my Ross. My Ross has Asperger's syndrome. I am not saying this is all of what Ross is. However, this is a big part of who he is.
He has difficulties with social queues and nonverbal queues. And because of this, he has problems knowing when something is appropriate to say or do. He has problems understanding why someone is upset and he either argues to try and get you out of it....or he ignores because he can't grasp it.
He has problems with his speech. Not so much saying words, but how they are said and the volume of his voice. He doesn't always recognize when his voice is raising (although there are times he does see it). He doesn't like magic tricks because they aren't real. Jokes are tough with him as well. If they can't be explained (or concrete ideas), he either doesn't get them or he has to try and rationalize them.
Want to know football statistics? Be ready to spend your afternoon with him. Want to know about anime? Again, be ready to spend your afternoon with him. Need info about a computer? He can get long winded over computers too....just not as much. And I'm not speaking about a few minutes....I am talking about hoursssss. . He may stop, but he'll come back at ya with something else. Something he's seen or some new statistic. These are about the only things that will engage him. And want to change the subject? You may get it changed for a few sentences, but it will come back around.
He will shut down if he thinks you aren't listening and going in the direction of his thought. This happens a lot, unfortunately. He has problems when things can't be explained to him in just a certain way. Even after all these years, there is a lot of language barrier between us.
In elementary school...he excelled in school. If he got a "B" in a class, he was devastated. He wasn't the most orginized....but he got it done. He really loved getting to learn new things. High school was VERY tough with him. People with Asperger's have problems during this time...because of the nature of reading comprehension and writing assignments. It was tough to get things done on time and in the nature it was to be done. An example....one of his teacher's changed how she did things one day. He came home in a complete tizzy because he couldn't understand why things changed and had to be calmed down. To you or me, it wouldn't have been a big deal. We might have even welcomed it. However, he didn't like that things had changed.
He has his own time table and is frustrated and in a tizzy when those time tables have to be changed. Even in elementary school, he had to know everyyyy single thing that was going to happen the next day. If you can give him more time than that, it was even better. Get him in that schedule and he was just fine. Change something even a min different, you were going to have a hot mess on your hand. Even to this day, I have to let him know ahead of time when things are going to happen. If we are spontaneous, you can pretty much count him out.
As I am bearing everything...I will admit too....There are scary times in all this. I have been hit by him (once as a child, once as a teenager)...he has punched holes in our old house...he has made a hole in the wall at our old house from slinging his door so hard....because he is impulsive. He has walked away from home a couple of times.....because his anger is overwhelming. He has gotten physical with his brothers....because he can't understand how to diffuse a situation....or why he should be the one to do it.
Continuing with the lack of handling change...his life is changing now. And I believe he is having a tough time handling it. He's been in school for 12 years now. This past week was the ending of that. He decided at the last minute that he was not going to participate in graduation activities. He had one assignment that needed one thing....and he waited until Friday afternoon to let me know about it. He was allowed to turn it in after the graduation ceremony. However, come Saturday morning....it was a no go. He couldn't grasp why his father and I were so intent in trying to get him to go. Couldn't understand why we were upset that he wasn't going to involve himself in this great time. However, no matter what his dad, Lewis, or I said....we couldn't convince him. And no....there is no way to force him to do it. That would've made things terrible at home and may have ruined things at graduation.
I'll admit. It hurt. I wanted him to feel that pride of making it this far. I wanted him to feel happy that this part was over. I even cried in front of him as a mom who wanted her son to do this. But....he couldn't grasp all that. He couldn't get why we were so sad that he wasn't doing what we had done at his age.
I'll even admit...I was a little jealous of seeing my friends with their kids at their graduation ceremonies. There, in their cap and gown. At their high school. With their families. And none of us got to experience that.
BUT.....he got his diploma Wed! He is now a graduate of West Rowan High. He has now completed his years in school. He may not be able to grasp the importance of this, but it is. He may not be able to understand how proud we are, but we are. He got this done.
So this.....is what an Asperger graduate looks like. It hasn't been an easy road....but he DID IT!
