My last one.....

So....in the later part of 2009, L and I came to a deciding point. It was either: try one more time for a girl or go ahead and "get fixed." We discussed it for a while. Then, when we got news that L was going back to his job that he had been at for over 20 yrs. So we decided.....ONE more time.....and THAT was it....lol.

So, we started trying. Then, just like the other 3, the hiccups came.....which if you read the post about Mark , you know that that is my "clue" :) It was pretty much an easy pregnancy. My first (Ross) and my last were my easiest. The ones in between were the sickness ones. I think I only had morning sickness a few times...which I was soooooo happy about :) I could enjoy this pregnancy.

And of course, with having other kids, we got the same questions all the time: 
"You know what causes that, right?" 
"You going to try again if this one's a boy?" 
"Is this your last one?" 
"Are you crazy?" 
"What are you going to do if it's a boy?"

I went to find out what the baby was. As soon as I went there, I KNEW it was a boy. I almost didn't want to go thru with it because I was thinking "What's the point? I already know."  I think the only reason I really did it was because I was doing this with my step-daughter (who was living with us at the time). As she got to see the sonogram and see the baby, I loved watching her amazement. Then we got to find out what the baby was.....and I was right....another boy. 

As I found out my due date, it was VERY close to my step-daughters b-days. Yes, I said b-dayS. They are 2 yrs apart, but have the same b-day. Neither induced or anything. So.... it was going to be interesting. As time got closer, I asked the doc about his weight. I was once again worried about how big my baby was going to be. With my first 2, I had bad problems with how big my babies were. They technically weren't big, but my body had problems. She helped me with Trev not having that problem, so I was hoping that once again, she'd be careful. (If you are curious about this, you can ask...I have no problem talking about it....I just figure it's TMI for some people and they would rather not hear about it...lol)

So she was monitoring the weight of what she thought he was going to be. She decided to induce at 39 weeks. I really wasn't looking forward to being induced, but at the same time, it was keeping him from coming on the girls b-day...lol. So L, my step-daughter that lived with us at the time, and I came in at 6am in the morning to begin the process.  Trev had been induced and so I figured it'd be the same....nope. I really don't think he was ready. I also believe the doc thought he was going to be heavier than he was.

I was blessed with the people in the room with me. L, of course, was there :)  and as I mentioned, we allowed one of my step-daughters to be in the process. Also, I had a great friend be in there. Her husband had been there during the day with us while she was in work, but when the time came to push, he left to be with our other step-daughter in the waiting room. My friend was there and stayed beside my step-daughter while L stayed beside me. It was a longggg day.

The baby was born at 5:25 PM. I guess when it came to pushing, he was willing to let me off easy, because it only took a few pushes....whew...lol.  At that time, we still hadn't figured out a name. We had tossed around 2 names, but STILL weren't sure. Once the baby was weighed (6 lbs, 7 oz), even the doc looked shocked. We were expecting larger. Smallest baby I had had. Then, I looked at L.... well??? what now??? We needed a name! The nurse looked at us "What's his name going to be?" I kept looking at L..... finally L said "Dean Austin" And thus our little DeanDean :)

He has been slow learning things. In terms of "milestones," he is always on the line. Such as walking....the timeline is 18 months....well, he waited til that 18 months. Words are slow for him to come, but he works on them. I am the main one to understand him. Sentences are well made, but he is working on it.  However, this allows me to enjoy every step longer with him. I think with every other boy, I was in too much of a hurry to want them to walk, want them to talk, want them to do something. With him taking his own schedule and doing his own time table, yet still learning, he's allowing me to enjoy it longer, appreciate him longer, and letting me appreciate more of the wonder around him longer....taking it all in thru HIS eyes longer.

He is a total laid back child. Yes, he can get stressed...yes he can get an attitude....but he is sooo lovable, so happy, and so easily amazed by things....which I love. He is my calming in the storm of boys running around....because he will come and snuggle with mommy when the others will run around and fight. He is the one who will grab my camera and take pictures then ask you to take a picture of him. He is always willing to try new things and sit with you to watch you do something. He will show you what he has learned then ask if he can go learn something else.

Here is a song someone at church made up about him in nursery and he giggles everytime

Dean...Dean....the butterbean
Stuck his head in a washing machine
Cammmmmmeeee out allllll
Nice and cleannnnnnn 

"That felt good!"

"That felt good, Mommy!" 

No...not a massage...not a full tummy...not a hot shower......

This is what my 11 year old said to me after doing a good deed. 

We ran some errands today. First, we went to place called Russell's Unique Deals. A place that is so cool just to look even if you don't get anything :) He buys storage units, then sells the items.  Then we went to Wally World. It's DeanDean's b-day Monday and I have been wanting to get him a Scout by LeapFrog. Trev had one when he was younger and LOVED his, so I wanted to get DeanDean one, too. 

As we pull in to the little road towards Walmart, next to the gas station, there was a man there with a sign "Homeless Hungry God Bless." As I pulled into the parking lot of Walmart, I felt the need to get some type of food for him. 

As ANY parent knows....going into Walmart with kids, your mind doesn't remember everything if you don't have a list. I was lucky to remember the envelopes I needed....just happened to be next to the stationary as we got near the video games the boys wanted to look at....lol.

So as we leave Walmart and start to pull out of the road, I am in the lane to go left...which means I am not near that man I felt the need to get food for. I also realize I didn't get anything for him IN Walmart. I turn left, then make a U-turn to come back to him. I go to the gas station that is there and run in. Unfortunately, there aren't sandwiches in this station, but I get him a drink, chips, and a lil snack. 

As I get back in the car, I ask Mark if he sees the man with the sign. He says "Yes."  I hand him the bag and ask him "Will you take this stuff to him?" Mark replied with a "Yep!" So he bounded off and handed the bag of goodies off to the man. The man looked at Mark, looked at me, and thanked us both. He was very happy. He said "Thank you! I even have a drink too?!? Thank you!" And as we pulled away and turned left at the light again, he waved big with a smile....that wasn't there either of the times I saw him before.

As we left, Mark had a huge smile, also.  He said "That felt good, Mommy!" Trev said "What did?" And Mark replied "It always feels good to help someone." This was a proud mommy :)

I usually don't do this. I have given a drink or a bag of chips here or there. When I feel the call to do it. I don't give money....that's just the suspicious person in me. I usually don't tell people about it.....cuz I don't do it to brag! I do it to help that person and let them know God loves them. However, I have never done it when my kids were in the car or even let them do it. Just because 1) I haven't heard the call to do it; 2) I am a suspicious person and you don't know who those people are and I'm not going to put my kids in harm's way.

However, I felt the call to today and I think my kids needed to see it today. Then to hear Mark say "That felt good" made this mommy feel good.

It also gave me a chance to talk to them about Matthew 25:35-46 (The Message) :

 ^34-36 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why:

I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.’

^37-40 “Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’

^41-43 “Then he will turn to the ‘goats,’ the ones on his left, and say, ‘Get out, worthless goats! You’re good for nothing but the fires of hell. And why? Because—

I was hungry and you gave me no meal,
I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,
I was homeless and you gave me no bed,
I was shivering and you gave me no clothes,
Sick and in prison, and you never visited.’

⁴⁴ “Then those ‘goats’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn’t help?’

⁴⁵ “He will answer them, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.’

⁴⁶ “Then those ‘goats’ will be herded to their eternal doom, but the ‘sheep’ to their eternal reward.”

Frustration abounds

So as you saw in my last post, History on Mark, that I have been a stay-at-home mom for pretty much 12 years. When I was diagnosed with endometriosis, I did have a job. They knew that I had to be out for 4 weeks per my doc, due to my surgery. They said it was ok...to call and let them know when I could return. 

So when my 4 weeks were over, I called and lo and behold....they had replaced me. They didn't hold my space for me. So I was left without a job. Granted, I could've fought it, because they illegally did this (I know...I talked to a lawyer..lol), but there was no way to tell if they might try to retaliate by giving me less hours, not promoting me (I was due to have a raise), or trying anything like that to get me to quit on my own. 

So I went ahead and accepted it. I looked for another job, but then, of course, came the time to find out that I was pregnant with Mark, so we decided it was better, financially and for our family, for me to stay home. 

So I have.....except for going to school. Now, sometimes, at RCCC, I went TO classes, but a LOT of my classes were online. It did take me a while. You know, me being pregnant, then scheduling of classes that I actually needed to finish my AA. It took me a total of 6 years to get a 2 year degree. BUT...I did it!

Then came Catawba. When I first went there, I looked like a deer in the headlights~~ I TOTALLY admit that one. I even talked to my admitting advisor when I was leaving the last day and we joked about it. It was mainly because for the few years before that, all I had were online classes, so this was going to be my major jump into full-time "studenthood" at a "big time college." I had noooo idea what I was going to do, how I was going to manage, or how I was going to fit in. I was scared I would fail. It didn't help that I was trying to do all my signing up with 3 boys in tow...it took 4 hours with 3 boys (with one being 6 months old...lol).

My advisor wanted me to do 15 hours a semester so I could graduate in 4 semesters. This would mean 5 classes a semester. Ummmmm...5 classes....4 boys.....1 husband....1 household ....and me.....no thank you :) So I went with 4 classes and take the extra semester to be done. 

That first semester was a whirlwind and I honestly don't remember too much about it...lol. However, after that one, I had a BLAST! It might have taken me an extra semester, but I wouldn't change that for the world. I finished December 2013 :) I honestly miss it....well, not the early classes :) 

Now to today~~~ I'm stuck in the middle. There are jobs out there that I wanna apply for, but I don't have the experience for. Then there are ones that I want to apply for, but I don't have the Master's degree. Then there are ones that I want to apply for, but since I still owe the college some money, I can't get my official transcript, which some jobs want to see. 

Soooo frustrating. I spend hours on the computer looking up jobs. I get my hopes up because I see something that I would LOVE to do....then see that I don't have one of those three things. I know that something will come along, but right NOW......it's frustrating.

I want to be able to help our family financially. I see how much of a toll it's taking on L to carry such a burden on our family. Also, I have such an urge to get out there and help others. I know there are people who need help, people that don't know where to turn, and just need someone to care. I want to do that.....I just can't get out there :(

I do love being here for my kids.....PLEASE don't think I don't wanna be here. However, I wanna be out there too. I was blessed with a job for 6 months in Aug 2011- Feb 2012. I LOVED it. It wasn't something where I was making a BIG difference in people's lives, but I absolutely LOVED the job. Unfortunately, due to ex family members, lying, and allegations, I was forced to let it go. I miss being around adults...lol. I LOVE my kids....but I need "adult time" too :) And if I can help people, like I want to, while working, that's an added bonus!