Frustration abounds

So as you saw in my last post, History on Mark, that I have been a stay-at-home mom for pretty much 12 years. When I was diagnosed with endometriosis, I did have a job. They knew that I had to be out for 4 weeks per my doc, due to my surgery. They said it was ok...to call and let them know when I could return. 

So when my 4 weeks were over, I called and lo and behold....they had replaced me. They didn't hold my space for me. So I was left without a job. Granted, I could've fought it, because they illegally did this (I know...I talked to a lawyer..lol), but there was no way to tell if they might try to retaliate by giving me less hours, not promoting me (I was due to have a raise), or trying anything like that to get me to quit on my own. 

So I went ahead and accepted it. I looked for another job, but then, of course, came the time to find out that I was pregnant with Mark, so we decided it was better, financially and for our family, for me to stay home. 

So I have.....except for going to school. Now, sometimes, at RCCC, I went TO classes, but a LOT of my classes were online. It did take me a while. You know, me being pregnant, then scheduling of classes that I actually needed to finish my AA. It took me a total of 6 years to get a 2 year degree. BUT...I did it!

Then came Catawba. When I first went there, I looked like a deer in the headlights~~ I TOTALLY admit that one. I even talked to my admitting advisor when I was leaving the last day and we joked about it. It was mainly because for the few years before that, all I had were online classes, so this was going to be my major jump into full-time "studenthood" at a "big time college." I had noooo idea what I was going to do, how I was going to manage, or how I was going to fit in. I was scared I would fail. It didn't help that I was trying to do all my signing up with 3 boys in tow...it took 4 hours with 3 boys (with one being 6 months old...lol).

My advisor wanted me to do 15 hours a semester so I could graduate in 4 semesters. This would mean 5 classes a semester. Ummmmm...5 classes....4 boys.....1 husband....1 household ....and me.....no thank you :) So I went with 4 classes and take the extra semester to be done. 

That first semester was a whirlwind and I honestly don't remember too much about it...lol. However, after that one, I had a BLAST! It might have taken me an extra semester, but I wouldn't change that for the world. I finished December 2013 :) I honestly miss it....well, not the early classes :) 

Now to today~~~ I'm stuck in the middle. There are jobs out there that I wanna apply for, but I don't have the experience for. Then there are ones that I want to apply for, but I don't have the Master's degree. Then there are ones that I want to apply for, but since I still owe the college some money, I can't get my official transcript, which some jobs want to see. 

Soooo frustrating. I spend hours on the computer looking up jobs. I get my hopes up because I see something that I would LOVE to do....then see that I don't have one of those three things. I know that something will come along, but right NOW......it's frustrating.

I want to be able to help our family financially. I see how much of a toll it's taking on L to carry such a burden on our family. Also, I have such an urge to get out there and help others. I know there are people who need help, people that don't know where to turn, and just need someone to care. I want to do that.....I just can't get out there :(

I do love being here for my kids.....PLEASE don't think I don't wanna be here. However, I wanna be out there too. I was blessed with a job for 6 months in Aug 2011- Feb 2012. I LOVED it. It wasn't something where I was making a BIG difference in people's lives, but I absolutely LOVED the job. Unfortunately, due to ex family members, lying, and allegations, I was forced to let it go. I miss being around adults...lol. I LOVE my kids....but I need "adult time" too :) And if I can help people, like I want to, while working, that's an added bonus!