The "i" generation

Everything is "i" this and "i" that. No...I'm not  specifically saying the selfish "I," but it will come into play.

I'm talking about "iPhone,""iPad," smart things (smart phones, smart houses, smart tvs).

This has been bothering me for a while, but it kinda came to a peak about 2 months ago.

First, it bothers me because soooo many things are being  connected to "i" technology. L and I don't have "i" anything, so I always pick around and say "Soon, we won't be able to do anything...we will be like the Amish"...lol. "i" technology seems to make ppl so dependent on it, because if you don't have it, you won't know what to do. Just like simple apps of Facebook....it keeps you connected to the internet and wanting to check it all the time. I can't get on Fb with my phone. I have to actually be ON a computer or my Kindle (which still has to be near WiFi), so if I'm away from home, I'm disconnected. Which, if anyone reading this tries to message me and I don't get back right away, it is because I haven't gotten on my computer (because I sometimes go a day or two without being online).

Secondly (and it is in conjunction with the first), we don't see the world around us. This is my peak of being peeved about it. L and I had gone out to a nice  restaurant for a nice dinner since we had all 3 boys being at their Paw-Paw's house.  While there, a couple across from us sat down. The woman got on her phone. Now, the  restaurant wasn't well lit, so you could see the glare of the phone. The man was trying to talk to her. He finally had to clap his hands at her to get her attention. She put the phone to the side.....for a few minutes. Then she started typing away. Now granted....it may have been important...it might have had to do with the kids...but she was ignoring the person she was with. Then about 10 mintues later...they both were typing away on their phones. Yep...I got irked...because here's a time to be with someone and she...then both...were ignoring the other person.

As we left the  restaurant, I counted how many ppl were on their phones. In the 5 booths we passed by, there were 7 ppl on their phones. So out of about 10-12 ppl, over half were on their phones. So, they weren't experiencing each others company...they were online, texting, talking to someone else.

I understand when emergencies happen...I understand when you need to communicate to a babysitter....I understand about something that has to be tended to right then. I just have a hard time thinking every one of them had an  emergency during that time.

Is it too hard for us to disconnect? Is it so difficult for us to put down that phone and actually see the person with us? People don't have the same connections as they used to. People talk to others thru their phones and internet. It's not all bad....but we need to get back in connection with our friends and family....face-to-face or actually taking the time to call and speak with them. I'm guilty of it as well. I have some family and friends I need to call. 

So quit reading this and go call or visit :)

Chore chart.....now vying for chores :)

So.....chores around here are hard to get done. I can do them....I usually do. I just have a problem of letting go...letting some chore be done differently than me...or not done but 80%. However, I also know that my kids need to learn these things in order to be a responsible person later in life. 

However.....I have a tough time getting the kids to do them, to want to do them, to have them get done even a lil bit. So I've been looking at chore charts and reward systems that the bloggers have done. I came up with something that I think our kids can get into and want to do them.

Today was the first day of implementation and they are already vying for getting them done and upset when one chore couldn't be done (I need furniture polish, thus bringing on the tears of not being able to dust...today...when it's a weekly chore....but we will get into that coming up)

First, I came up with rules for the house. Although the boys know them, they were excited when I had them written up so perrtttyy :) Then, I also wanted to make a list of what they should do. That way it was positive as well.

So our rules are: 1) No yelling (the kids like to yell at each other); 2) No name calling (they like to call each other names and it drives me insane); 3) No hitting (they are boys, but they sometimes take it to the extreme); 4) No bothering..... each other (they like to aggravate each other to the max...on purpose); 5) No jumping on the furniture (Trev likes to bounce between the two couches and jump on them); 6) No running inside (they like to chase each other throughout the house). I think I may have to add another rule that somehow I forgot. They like to take each other's stuff without asking (mine as well), so we may be adding an addendum. 

Rules

Then for the way they should act. 1) Listen 1st time (so tired of repeating myself); 2) Help (one another if they need it); 3) Share (don't be jerking items out of each other's hands just because you want it now); 4) Compliment (tell each other they are awesome).

To do list

So then I came up with chores that need to be done around here and how often they needed to be done. We have 6 daily chore and 6 weekly chores. Trev and Mark also have an additional daily and weekly one. So we have for the daily: put shoes on rack, put dishes in the dishwasher, put dishes up that are in the dishwasher, clean the living room (two of them share this chore), pick clothes up (if they are laying around). Weekly chores: vacuum, clean the bathroom, clean the yard (two of them share this chore), dust, wash clothes. Trev and Mark have static chores of homework (daily) and cleaning their room (weekly).

I put these on popsicle sticks, along with point values and decorations :)

The daily chores will be drawn the night before. After school, they'll already know what they need to jump on after school. 

The chore sticks with chores and point values. 

Other side of chore sticks. That way they can't see what the chore is...they just draw :)

Chore stick holder I decorated

Looking in the Chore Stick holder with the sticks in

Next....how are the points going to work? Well....if they do the chore, they get the points. Daily points have 1 point value. Weekly points are bigger. Cleaning bathroom is a lil dirty, so it's worth the most at 5 points. Dusting and vacuuming is 4 points. Washing clothes and cleaning the yard is worth 3 points. Cleaning their room is worth 2 points. 

Sounds easy right? Well, we made it more interesting. If they don't do the chore, it goes to negative points. So for the person who doesn't put the shoes on the rack (1 point), they lose the point...as in it is subtracted from their total. Since two ppl are to clean the yard, they both have to help. If only one person does it, that person gets both people's points...in  addition, the person who didn't help, loses those points. If Trev and Mark are assigned it, and only Mark does it, Mark receives 6 points and Trev loses 3.

So we made a list to show what is expected. If they happen to not have a chore to actually do, as long as they check on it, they will get half of the points (because it's not their fault that it wasn't available). Like, if there are no dishes to put into the dishwasher, as long as they check that there isn't, they will get .5 of a point.

Expectation of the chores

Wondering about the "Get 'caught'" one? I have a jar with a label. It says "Caught ya being good!" with a fish and hook. Then we have slips of paper that L or I will fill out. (I got this idea from How Does She?. I lovvveee this website ) If we catch the kids doing something without being asked or doing something nice, we will fill out the paper and stick it in the jar. At the end of the week, we will tally up the slips from each kid and add it into their total. (2 points per "catch")

"Caught ya" jar

Slips of paper for the jar

I have warned them that they can't do things expecting to get a "caught" paper. They also can't come up to us and say "I did 'such and such'....do I get a paper?" This has been said over and over again.....hope they remember :)

So what does all this add into? Why....rewards of course :) We wanted it to be where they could get something almost every week (if everything is done that they are assigned), yet also ones where they have to save up. We have: gum, candy (50 pts); Drawer pull (I have a drawer with items that they can grab), movie night (picking a movie from Netflix along with popcorn/candy) (70 pts); outing (with mom or dad...they get to pick, we pick were we go....with the kids telling what they might like to do) (100 pts); book (110 pts); Toy less than $20 (although I know I wrote it wrong on the sign...lol) (130 pts). Then we have Wii and computer time. For the Wii....30 mins is 180 pts and an hour is 340 pts. (I know that isn't doubling it....I wanted to reduce it a lil bit to reward them as well). Computer is....30 mins for 190 pts and an hour is 360 pts. 

Reward poster

 So here is what our wall looks like now :) Full of chores and rewards :) 

Our wall of chores

My last one.....

So....in the later part of 2009, L and I came to a deciding point. It was either: try one more time for a girl or go ahead and "get fixed." We discussed it for a while. Then, when we got news that L was going back to his job that he had been at for over 20 yrs. So we decided.....ONE more time.....and THAT was it....lol.

So, we started trying. Then, just like the other 3, the hiccups came.....which if you read the post about Mark , you know that that is my "clue" :) It was pretty much an easy pregnancy. My first (Ross) and my last were my easiest. The ones in between were the sickness ones. I think I only had morning sickness a few times...which I was soooooo happy about :) I could enjoy this pregnancy.

And of course, with having other kids, we got the same questions all the time: 
"You know what causes that, right?" 
"You going to try again if this one's a boy?" 
"Is this your last one?" 
"Are you crazy?" 
"What are you going to do if it's a boy?"

I went to find out what the baby was. As soon as I went there, I KNEW it was a boy. I almost didn't want to go thru with it because I was thinking "What's the point? I already know."  I think the only reason I really did it was because I was doing this with my step-daughter (who was living with us at the time). As she got to see the sonogram and see the baby, I loved watching her amazement. Then we got to find out what the baby was.....and I was right....another boy. 

As I found out my due date, it was VERY close to my step-daughters b-days. Yes, I said b-dayS. They are 2 yrs apart, but have the same b-day. Neither induced or anything. So.... it was going to be interesting. As time got closer, I asked the doc about his weight. I was once again worried about how big my baby was going to be. With my first 2, I had bad problems with how big my babies were. They technically weren't big, but my body had problems. She helped me with Trev not having that problem, so I was hoping that once again, she'd be careful. (If you are curious about this, you can ask...I have no problem talking about it....I just figure it's TMI for some people and they would rather not hear about it...lol)

So she was monitoring the weight of what she thought he was going to be. She decided to induce at 39 weeks. I really wasn't looking forward to being induced, but at the same time, it was keeping him from coming on the girls b-day...lol. So L, my step-daughter that lived with us at the time, and I came in at 6am in the morning to begin the process.  Trev had been induced and so I figured it'd be the same....nope. I really don't think he was ready. I also believe the doc thought he was going to be heavier than he was.

I was blessed with the people in the room with me. L, of course, was there :)  and as I mentioned, we allowed one of my step-daughters to be in the process. Also, I had a great friend be in there. Her husband had been there during the day with us while she was in work, but when the time came to push, he left to be with our other step-daughter in the waiting room. My friend was there and stayed beside my step-daughter while L stayed beside me. It was a longggg day.

The baby was born at 5:25 PM. I guess when it came to pushing, he was willing to let me off easy, because it only took a few pushes....whew...lol.  At that time, we still hadn't figured out a name. We had tossed around 2 names, but STILL weren't sure. Once the baby was weighed (6 lbs, 7 oz), even the doc looked shocked. We were expecting larger. Smallest baby I had had. Then, I looked at L.... well??? what now??? We needed a name! The nurse looked at us "What's his name going to be?" I kept looking at L..... finally L said "Dean Austin" And thus our little DeanDean :)

He has been slow learning things. In terms of "milestones," he is always on the line. Such as walking....the timeline is 18 months....well, he waited til that 18 months. Words are slow for him to come, but he works on them. I am the main one to understand him. Sentences are well made, but he is working on it.  However, this allows me to enjoy every step longer with him. I think with every other boy, I was in too much of a hurry to want them to walk, want them to talk, want them to do something. With him taking his own schedule and doing his own time table, yet still learning, he's allowing me to enjoy it longer, appreciate him longer, and letting me appreciate more of the wonder around him longer....taking it all in thru HIS eyes longer.

He is a total laid back child. Yes, he can get stressed...yes he can get an attitude....but he is sooo lovable, so happy, and so easily amazed by things....which I love. He is my calming in the storm of boys running around....because he will come and snuggle with mommy when the others will run around and fight. He is the one who will grab my camera and take pictures then ask you to take a picture of him. He is always willing to try new things and sit with you to watch you do something. He will show you what he has learned then ask if he can go learn something else.

Here is a song someone at church made up about him in nursery and he giggles everytime

Dean...Dean....the butterbean
Stuck his head in a washing machine
Cammmmmmeeee out allllll
Nice and cleannnnnnn 

"That felt good!"

"That felt good, Mommy!" 

No...not a massage...not a full tummy...not a hot shower......

This is what my 11 year old said to me after doing a good deed. 

We ran some errands today. First, we went to place called Russell's Unique Deals. A place that is so cool just to look even if you don't get anything :) He buys storage units, then sells the items.  Then we went to Wally World. It's DeanDean's b-day Monday and I have been wanting to get him a Scout by LeapFrog. Trev had one when he was younger and LOVED his, so I wanted to get DeanDean one, too. 

As we pull in to the little road towards Walmart, next to the gas station, there was a man there with a sign "Homeless Hungry God Bless." As I pulled into the parking lot of Walmart, I felt the need to get some type of food for him. 

As ANY parent knows....going into Walmart with kids, your mind doesn't remember everything if you don't have a list. I was lucky to remember the envelopes I needed....just happened to be next to the stationary as we got near the video games the boys wanted to look at....lol.

So as we leave Walmart and start to pull out of the road, I am in the lane to go left...which means I am not near that man I felt the need to get food for. I also realize I didn't get anything for him IN Walmart. I turn left, then make a U-turn to come back to him. I go to the gas station that is there and run in. Unfortunately, there aren't sandwiches in this station, but I get him a drink, chips, and a lil snack. 

As I get back in the car, I ask Mark if he sees the man with the sign. He says "Yes."  I hand him the bag and ask him "Will you take this stuff to him?" Mark replied with a "Yep!" So he bounded off and handed the bag of goodies off to the man. The man looked at Mark, looked at me, and thanked us both. He was very happy. He said "Thank you! I even have a drink too?!? Thank you!" And as we pulled away and turned left at the light again, he waved big with a smile....that wasn't there either of the times I saw him before.

As we left, Mark had a huge smile, also.  He said "That felt good, Mommy!" Trev said "What did?" And Mark replied "It always feels good to help someone." This was a proud mommy :)

I usually don't do this. I have given a drink or a bag of chips here or there. When I feel the call to do it. I don't give money....that's just the suspicious person in me. I usually don't tell people about it.....cuz I don't do it to brag! I do it to help that person and let them know God loves them. However, I have never done it when my kids were in the car or even let them do it. Just because 1) I haven't heard the call to do it; 2) I am a suspicious person and you don't know who those people are and I'm not going to put my kids in harm's way.

However, I felt the call to today and I think my kids needed to see it today. Then to hear Mark say "That felt good" made this mommy feel good.

It also gave me a chance to talk to them about Matthew 25:35-46 (The Message) :

 ^34-36 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why:

I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.’

^37-40 “Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’

^41-43 “Then he will turn to the ‘goats,’ the ones on his left, and say, ‘Get out, worthless goats! You’re good for nothing but the fires of hell. And why? Because—

I was hungry and you gave me no meal,
I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,
I was homeless and you gave me no bed,
I was shivering and you gave me no clothes,
Sick and in prison, and you never visited.’

⁴⁴ “Then those ‘goats’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn’t help?’

⁴⁵ “He will answer them, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.’

⁴⁶ “Then those ‘goats’ will be herded to their eternal doom, but the ‘sheep’ to their eternal reward.”

Frustration abounds

So as you saw in my last post, History on Mark, that I have been a stay-at-home mom for pretty much 12 years. When I was diagnosed with endometriosis, I did have a job. They knew that I had to be out for 4 weeks per my doc, due to my surgery. They said it was ok...to call and let them know when I could return. 

So when my 4 weeks were over, I called and lo and behold....they had replaced me. They didn't hold my space for me. So I was left without a job. Granted, I could've fought it, because they illegally did this (I know...I talked to a lawyer..lol), but there was no way to tell if they might try to retaliate by giving me less hours, not promoting me (I was due to have a raise), or trying anything like that to get me to quit on my own. 

So I went ahead and accepted it. I looked for another job, but then, of course, came the time to find out that I was pregnant with Mark, so we decided it was better, financially and for our family, for me to stay home. 

So I have.....except for going to school. Now, sometimes, at RCCC, I went TO classes, but a LOT of my classes were online. It did take me a while. You know, me being pregnant, then scheduling of classes that I actually needed to finish my AA. It took me a total of 6 years to get a 2 year degree. BUT...I did it!

Then came Catawba. When I first went there, I looked like a deer in the headlights~~ I TOTALLY admit that one. I even talked to my admitting advisor when I was leaving the last day and we joked about it. It was mainly because for the few years before that, all I had were online classes, so this was going to be my major jump into full-time "studenthood" at a "big time college." I had noooo idea what I was going to do, how I was going to manage, or how I was going to fit in. I was scared I would fail. It didn't help that I was trying to do all my signing up with 3 boys in tow...it took 4 hours with 3 boys (with one being 6 months old...lol).

My advisor wanted me to do 15 hours a semester so I could graduate in 4 semesters. This would mean 5 classes a semester. Ummmmm...5 classes....4 boys.....1 husband....1 household ....and me.....no thank you :) So I went with 4 classes and take the extra semester to be done. 

That first semester was a whirlwind and I honestly don't remember too much about it...lol. However, after that one, I had a BLAST! It might have taken me an extra semester, but I wouldn't change that for the world. I finished December 2013 :) I honestly miss it....well, not the early classes :) 

Now to today~~~ I'm stuck in the middle. There are jobs out there that I wanna apply for, but I don't have the experience for. Then there are ones that I want to apply for, but I don't have the Master's degree. Then there are ones that I want to apply for, but since I still owe the college some money, I can't get my official transcript, which some jobs want to see. 

Soooo frustrating. I spend hours on the computer looking up jobs. I get my hopes up because I see something that I would LOVE to do....then see that I don't have one of those three things. I know that something will come along, but right NOW......it's frustrating.

I want to be able to help our family financially. I see how much of a toll it's taking on L to carry such a burden on our family. Also, I have such an urge to get out there and help others. I know there are people who need help, people that don't know where to turn, and just need someone to care. I want to do that.....I just can't get out there :(

I do love being here for my kids.....PLEASE don't think I don't wanna be here. However, I wanna be out there too. I was blessed with a job for 6 months in Aug 2011- Feb 2012. I LOVED it. It wasn't something where I was making a BIG difference in people's lives, but I absolutely LOVED the job. Unfortunately, due to ex family members, lying, and allegations, I was forced to let it go. I miss being around adults...lol. I LOVE my kids....but I need "adult time" too :) And if I can help people, like I want to, while working, that's an added bonus!

Some history on Mark

So....for over 11 years I have been a stay-at-home mom. In the last part of 2001, I found out I had endometriosis. In February 2002, I ended up having to have an endoscopic surgery in order to get rid of cysts and  make things less painful. I was then to be put on a shot for 6 months that would technically put me in a premature menopause in order to let everything clear up and give me, roughly, a 5 yr reprieve from the pain and cysts.

Then, I go for my first 3 shots...one a month. One in April, May and June. Now remember....this shot was to put me in a forced menopause....which means no "Lady Visitor" each month. So comes June. I get a HUGE case of hiccups.....I figure out I'm pregnant. Now, I know this is a weird "clue," but that was always my clue with all the boys...lol. So I call the doctor's office. They say there is NO WAY I'm pregnant. I convince them to give me a test. I go into the office and they do a blood test because they are ABSOLUTELY convinced I am NOT pregnant. They even tell me on the way out "We'll call you if it's positive...but it probably won't be" Well....yep...you guessed it...they called. They were dumb struck. You could even hear it in their voice. "Ummmm. Your test came back.....and you were right.....you're pregnant." Well....I DID tell them I had hiccups...lol :)

They did a sonogram to REALLY confirm my pregnancy

So of course we had to stop the shots. They had never heard of anyone getting pregnant while being on the shot. It was unheard of. So the doctors and nurses were just quiet. Through my pregnancy, all was well. I measured like I was supposed to...until week 28...then I started measuring 2 weeks behind. So they scheduled an extra ultrasound to see what that all was well. As the tech was looking, she was all talkative. Then, all of a sudden, she got quiet. Then she said she had to go get a doctor and rushed out. I look to L and start to panic.The doctor came in. At this time, I am freaking out. I had tears going down the side of my face. She won't tell me anything but is continuing to do the ultrasound.

Then the words started coming out...yet it took a bit to grasp them. My son had a multicystic dysplastic kidney (MCDK). This meant that one kidney was covered in cysts and had no function. As far as they could see, the other kidney was fine. They would keep monitoring it via sonograms, then he'd have to have a sonogram after he was born to find out the extent of things. So we were in shock. Here we were, going along, everything fine...then BOOM!

Now, of course, I did what any expecting mother SHOULDN'T do....I went and got on the internet and read about it. Thankfully, this problem wasn't too dire. Children survive this, the working kidney takes over for the other, and all is fine. The one you had to worry about was POLYcystic. This would mean that BOTH kidneys were surrounded by cysts and it is fatal. So I just had to keep the faith that the tech and doctor were correct and it was just the one kidney.

Come January 25th, 2003. My son came into the world ON his due date. Being on time has stuck with him :) He hates to be late to ANYTHING (and I hear about it if we are 1 minute late to Awanas..lol).

A day after being born, we had him looked at by a urologist. He did an ultrasound and saw that it was only his left kidney. His right kidney was wonderful. The next step was to have him go into the office and have a procedure to find out how much, if any, the left kidney was working.  Then it'd be figured out if he'd have to have a surgery to have the kidney removed or if we just kept an eye on it to make sure it "went away." With MCDK, the good outcome is that the kidney, in my words, implodes on itself, disintegrates, then "goes away."

So we go into the office. They give him medicine to make him sleepy and then strap him to a board. This is because they are going to run dye through his kidney and see what happens. They want him still so that it will all go well. He's only about 2 months old. This was tough to watch. I stayed in the room with him, but couldn't really do anything because I didn't want to rouse him or make him move. If he started to, I could calm him, but that was it.  I was able to watch the dye up on the screen. Now that was neat :)

The results: His kidney worked .01%. That wasn't good. That means that .01% of urine was traveling in through that kidney. That also means that it could cause infection. It would have been better if the kidney worked 0%. So, we had to schedule close sonograms so that he could keep a close eye and make sure that kidney was getting smaller and nothing else was happening.

I think my happiest day was the day we got the sonogram that showed it being as small as the head of a pin. It was going and the good kidney was HUGE..lol. It was big enough for both kidneys and doing the job of them both.

  

Left Kidney

Right Kidney

I have always wondered if since I became pregnant on the shot...that no one had become pregnant on...if that was the reason for the MCDK....but we'll never know. I also have to go back to the doctor and talk to him. When we were first going there, he had said no sports for him growing up...due to the one kidney. Then once the right kidney started growing great and taking over, he said sports would be fine. Now, all the medical articles I read, it says no contact sports. Welp....Mark is wanting to try out for football in middle school. I wonder if I am going to have to crush his dreams. :(

So my mom had always said I was the oddball in the family (the only girl,  the only one to have to have glasses, the only one to have to have braces, the only one that had a tooth in my gum pointed up towards my nose (I'll tell you about that at some other time :) ) and now I have a son who has one kidney. But it's ok...he's ok...and that kidney will be ok :) He is an oddball sometimes...but he's like his momma, he's mine, and I LOVE him :)