Labels (long post)

**Fixed my link. Realized I had it going to the wrong place**

Staci wrote about labels on her blog. Labels on children. Here are some things that I wanted to say and didn't want to take up a lot of room on her comment space to say them (it's longer than I meant it to be). This has nothing to do with Chloe's behavior, just looking at things thru my world and stating things that I have experienced.

I have learned thru our many situations with Ross about how labels work around here. Before Ross was diagnosed with anything, we had the hardest time getting help.

In Daycare, his behavior was going down hill fast. He had gone there since he was about 10 months old and when he was 4 and 1/2 , he started being aggressive with his teachers, other students, and even the owner of the facility (and she's not one that you mess with!!!) He got where he was sullen one day, having a good day the next, off the wall the next, then being violent the next (and sometimes, all those emotions in one day, even in a few hours). We had talked to Ross' doctor about something to do...therapy, medicine, what were we to do? We got looked at with a blank stare pretty much. One week before he was to graduate from daycare, he ended up getting kicked out. We were then blamed by the owner for his behavior and told that we were likely to have DSS come and take him from us because of it. (let me say~ I NEVER recommend this daycare to anyone, in fact I tell people to stay away~ I don't care how good the place was, she liked to intimidate you) She never tried to help or anything. He got kicked out 6 months after it all started. SIX months and no help.

We then went back to his doctor and since Ross got kicked out, he was (all of a sudden) able to help. We were sent to a family counselor. There during a few sessions, he told me he thought Ross was having seizures. A simple test that he did suggested it. Have the child draw a diamond. On the final line coming back up to close it off, if the line goes in a completely different direction, it's an implication of seizures. Now there's normal amount of "going of base" with children, but if that 4th line goes too far off that in makes you actually have to draw a fifth line to close off that diamond, that's not normal. It means the brain isn't "connecting" either.

Anyways, Ross had an EEG and it showed there was seizure activity. Actually, we had been seeing them, but not realizing it. Ross has focal seizures. When he'd play video games, he'd wet himself. Well, we just thought he wasn't wanted to stop and go to the bathroom (in fact he got in trouble many times because of this) He'd say he didn't remember wetting himself, but since we didn't know any different, we didn't believe him. When we started watching for them, you could actually catch little ones that weren't causing him to lose control. So we got him on anti seizure medicine.

After that, his behavior was nuts. You never knew which "child" you would have or how many of "them" you would have. I couldn't go in public for a while cuz I didn't know how he'd react to things. He'd react to the same situation 4 different ways, so you could never prepare yourself for what would come. It was so tough.

Then we finally had him evaluated. With info from us, his teachers and the results of the testing, he was diagnosed with ADHD and a mood disorder. They don't want to claim it was anything than mood because the other things are hard to diagnose in a child his age.

In school, we were blessed his Kindergarten year, because the teacher was actually going thru the exact same thing with her own step-daughter. That woman had the patience of an angel.

We went thru many medicines. One would make him a zombie, one would make him worse, one would make him VERY sensitive. We finally got the right medicine, then the doc wouldn't listen to us that it wasn't working. I don't think she ever heard a word we said. We finally got someone to listen and got his medicine changed.

First grade~ not so great teacher. We had talked to her at the beginning to let her know what was going on. She didn't want us to tell her. She said she wanted to learn the child herself. That's great to an extent, but if I can tell you hints on how to deal with situations, why not listen to me? Ross had learned when he was getting too angry and how he needed to get himself away from the situation. The teacher didn't encourage this. We had also asked that if his behavior started to change in ANY way, tell us. We wouldn't know without her telling us. For all we'd know, he was good at school, and had problems at home. We went in for a conference and come to find out his behavior had changed a MONTH earlier. When she started telling how he was behaving, we realized he was having seizures again. For a MONTH. So we went and again had medicine changed. Then due to the seizure medicine changes, we had to change the others too. Here's one incident that happened that year

Because of behavior changes, we were able to get help thru the school for more one-on-one help. They would come in once a month (and if we ever needed it to be more, it was possible) and he'd talk with someone, get help on schoolwork if he needed it, just to have some one-on-one time

Second grade~ much better. The teacher communicated a lot better with us.

We only had one major problem the whole time. On Christmas Eve Day, Ross was outside playing with all the other kids. He decided that he was going to run into the road. He said he wanted to kill himself. It hasn't been the first time that he's mentioned this, but it's the first time he's tried to act on it. He wasn't harmed, but it scared the wits out of me. He said he got mad at the girls and so that's why he wanted to go see God. He don't like feeling mad and wanting to hit, cuz he knows it's wrong and so he thought God would take that from him if he went and saw Him. We one of his medicines changed and got him in to see a therapist. He got better and the therapist was pleased with his progress.

Now were off to third grade so we will see what this year holds. We've learned how to minimize situations and predict how he will react. We just have to get the teacher to be on the same wavelength. We still have help available to us if the need is there. Plus the docs we have now, listen to us so we are able to make adjustments on meds quicker and easier. We haven't had to change meds in a year~ just had to add one. But we know that sooner or later, we will have to change and it's nice to know that the docs hear us.

I started off this post talking about labels cuz without a "label," we wouldn't have gotten help (and I'd be in a looney bin) Labels are only what we perceive them to be. A lot of times, we parents see them worse than they are. I think they help more nowadays because of the help we can give our children because of them.